Lazy Lanta

This week I have most been in Koh Lanta, a sleepy little place near Krabi in Thailand. We went there because Tiger Airways were giving away tickets 4 months ago, we weren't aware back then that it is the off season in August. No wonder they were giving away tickets, it is the off season because it is also the rainy season and with good reason, it rains a lot. Except for one morning when it didn't and we got sunburnt instead of wet.
But we did have a very pleasent time mooching about our island resort, especially as we were the only people there for the first 24 hours; very rock n roll. The illusion was shattered by the arrival of more guests on the Saturday, admittedly only 6 of them, but still they were invading our space so we took off on a scooter humming a mandatory Machine Gun Felatio tune as we went.
Lanta is probably only slightly more busy in the not so rainy season, it is pretty much unspoilt with a strip of resorts on the West Coast beach. Do go to the Corner Cafe if you are ver there, their curries bring tears to your eyes both at the table and later in the toilet. Other than that it is jungle, rubber trees, cashew nuts and little fishing villages.
Singapore on the other hand is not and is currently reinventing itself as an even squeakyer cleanier place with the pending IMF forum here in September. As a result the government is ripping up all the roads that people are likely to travel on in the week they are going to be here. They are also painting the gutters and planting new plants. Bit weird really, but quite impressive to walk down to the train in the morning and see they have not only ripped up 5 lanes of Orchard Road but replaced and marked it again in one night. Couldn't imagine the Sydney Department of Main Roads pulling that off, but then they don't have access to the Bangladesh labour market.
In further preperaion for the IMF thingy that the government has been practicing handling riots and protests, even invited the media along to watch, which was a little surreal. However the Riot Police are unlikely to be doing much except drinking tea as protesting is surprisingly illegal here. But to show they are open to free speech they have made an allowance for protestors to book a time for discussions with IMFers if they so wish in a small area near the convention centre. I would imagine it would also involve people loitering in the background with guns.
Finally I was excited to see a huge tabloid headline describing the shame of the ugly behaviour during the recent National Day fireworks, maybe something crazy had happened here. But as I read on I was disappointed the ugly behaviour was actually just people jaywalking and illegally parking on one of the bridges to watch the display. I think the journo responsible for the story should wander the Rocks in Sydney after the midnight fireworks on New Years Eve to get a better definition of ugly behaviour at fireworks.

Hungry Ghosts

This week I have mostly been dodging little fires and oranges and lollies and fruit and cakes and stuff. This is because it is hungry ghosts month, where people honour their dead relatives with offerings of food and burning of hell money so that they are comfortable in the afterlife. There are some elements in danger with this, I walked around a blind corner the other day and had to leap over a little man burning things. I think he thought he had seen a ghost, he looked quite scared, I was also hungry (I was heading off for dumplings) so maybe he thought he had aroused a hungry sleeping spirit.

Working out in Tampines is in the burbs and consequently I become more involved in these kind of things like it or not and have trampled through many an offering on the way to work. I have also noticed that the people who have shuffled off their mortal coil have quite a sweet tooth, Mentos are a particular favourite amongst the offerings.
I had forgotten I had opted in for the work Hungry Ghost thing and was surprised to come into the office to find a large bucket of food on my desk. I am not entirely sure what I was meant to do with this bucket; if it is meant to be an offering for my deceased relatives, I couldn't see either of my grandmothers being very pleased with their grandson presenting them with 2 litres of Fanta, some sardines, noodles and a variety of cooking oils. One of my team members at work told me I am supposed to give it to the poor, but I think he was angling to take the stuff home himself.
I went to the loo the other day a the Pungol Park cafe and this sign was plastered across the auto flush of the urinal. Flush your pee or poo manually was the sound advice but it begs the question is urinal pooing a problem in the Pungol Park cafe. Is it a Singapore thing, I don't know. I do know people like to talk loudly on their mobile phones while they are on the toilet at work, so important tip if you are talking to a Singaporian and it sounds like they are on the toilet, chances are they are on the toilet. Kudos goes to the chap who carried on a long an loud conversation on the squat in cubicle 3 the other day.
Speaking of oddball Singaporean signs, this sign suggests that Fiona Xio's best angle is right up her skirt. Possibly it is, the add is part of a Singaporean obsession with vibrating things, chairs, feet thingies, slimming belts and my favourite the mechanical horse thing. This is basically a gyrating stool that is supposed to exercise your abs and stuff, but it is quite amusing watching 80 year olds doing what basically amounts to a pelvic thrust on a bright green seat.
Tis a funny old place here.

Reeves Leave

This week I have mostly been recovering from saying goodbye to the Reeves as they headed out to take up residence in Japan. The long series of farewells hit an alcoholic crescendo last Friday, on the eve of the eve of their departure. Andy Reeve had had a particularly busy day at Boat Quay and staggered off giggling to himself around midnight, perhaps a result of drinking a particularly large flaming Lamborghini.
Soon after the crowd began to disperse leaving myself, Nic Reeve, Elliott and our token Singaporean; Gloria to our own devices with the challenge of ensuring Nic had a last night that she would either want to forget or remember. We chose to do a pub crawl of seedy bars at Boat Quay but possibly due to the a lack of imagination or plain laziness this just meant walking around the corner to Molly Malones, acquiring a jug of marguerita along the way.
This was probably where things started to go a little awry, Elliott started playing a game with a couple of barflies that involved throwing a coaster at the bar and whatever bottle you hit you had to take a shot of. After we told him his drinking buddies were wankers he poured their drinks on the bar while they were in the toilet and we ran out Molly's like the tough little teenagers we were behaving like. Sans Elliott's laptop, but that wasn't quite apparent until the following day.
So after a little bit of procrastination we arrived at Attica, a place supposedly full of the chic and beautiful set. This obviously didn't include us, and the chic and beautiful readings were on the slide after we dropped in. The sensational dance floor moves suggested social skills and motor coordination had taken a hammering, but the signal to leave for me was when the bouncer asked Elliott to get off the podium and to put his shirt back on.
Flopped home around 4:00 and in an effort to be considerate to Emma I sent myself to the blue room, which is where she found me on the way to gym at 8:00 lying in around 4 litres of sweat having forgotten to turn the aircon on. Two hours later I found myself wandering around the supermarket with Reidy trying to sort out stuff for a BBQ to finally say goodbye to the Reeves. Two hours later again I had to have a little lie down after ambitiously attempting to peel 1.5 Kg of prawns with what was now a filthy hangover.
Turns out I wasn't alone, Andy could not drink anything at all, Nic spoke in a whisper all day and only half finished her one wine, Elliott was alternating beer with cordial and was very scared about having to go back to Molly's to pick up his laptop. Then there was Gloria, breezed in bright as a button, after having just woken up at 2:30 that afternoon.
So the farewell festival is finally over and they are now in Tokyo and we will all be sleeping a little better and drinking a little less for a while, at least until Elliott gets back from the UK.

Stewed Apples

This week I have mostly been in New York again, and this time it was stinking hot, in fact on par with Singapoo for hotness but I think actually a little more stinky. Because people don't wee in the subways in Singers. Mostly because you would get hung and then beaten with a stick if you did. I was very excited to not have to go to Warren in Jersey this time, I would imagine that place in the heat of summer would have done nothing for my already rock bottom view of that shit hole.
Surprisingly given this good fortune of being in the city, the aclohol intake and the shenanigans were kept to a minimum, possibly due to the work or maybe to the unavailability of my usual Jaeger bombers until the Friday.

Consequently spent more time wandering and also discovered my phone camera did panoramic photos, which kept me busy for a while.


One of the more unusual things I managed to find was a George W Bush action figure for sale in the delapodated Hallmark shop. Apparently if you push the lapel badge he has 25 different things to say. I am a little skeptical about that, because that is 21 more than he has had in his one and a bit terms in office. But intrigued, I needed to know more and if you google George W Bush action dolls, you get a sponsored link come up that says: Talking George Bush doll Jesus & Pope John Paul doll & more are available at the Collectorsgallery Website . That I am sure George would be very happy about being referred to in the same sentence as Jesus, only if describing an action figure. It is a little disturbing that they also refer to Jesus as a Talking President, but it does speak twenty-five (25) unique and authentic phrases. This doll also comes complete with accessories and a biographical pamphlet.
What a crazy place the US is, not to mention a little third world occasionally. Queens was without power for 8 days straight while I was there and when they finally did restore power they managed to then black out large sections of Long Island
So I bid farewell to this silly place by drinking more Jaeger shots than was really necessary and left the States with yet another monstrous hangover.