This week I have mostly been thinking I am seriously behind in the blogging and am hurriedly trying to piece together the events of the last few months. This means a bit of time travel back to last year and the lead up to Christmas, not that there was really much to report. I made a new friend at McDonalds where I am still forced to get my coffee of a morning. A little old lady who brings her own food into the place, a couple of cheese sandwiches and a bottle of water and some odd looking fruit.
We spoke at length about a lot of things that I didn't quite understand. When I saw her a couple of weeks later she rushed over, all but hugged me and from what I could make out started up where she left off with our last conversation. I don't remember my daily commute out the heartlands coming up in conversation, but she wanted to know if I was still riding my bike to work and looked quite disappointed when I told her I caught the train. Maybe she was looking for a dink home.
December was Lex's birthday and we went skiing, not your usual Singaporean night out. Reidy and I were running late for a change and the girl at the counter of what essentially is a big freezer said we should save $120 each and not go skiing. Instead she gave us a jacket each and a bottle of wine under the Purple Grape label to drink. Seemed like a good deal, so headed into the piste to check things out and opened the wine. Up until that point it looked like a wine bottle and looked like it had wine in it, the plastic top instead of a cork should have acted as a warning, but it was only at the first swig that I paid attention to the contents. I was quite frankly surprised at the taste, I was getting sugar with a hint of pruple grape and not much else, so referred to the label. Turns out it was 2.8% alcohol and the label suggested it goes well with tinned pork.
Needless to say we didn't hang around for long with that poor excuse for alcohol as our only option for booze. So we headed into an ice bar and then later to Anywhere, in full ski gear, which did draw some comment and attention from people there, which isn't an easy thing to do in this haven for gender confused weirdos. At the sacrifice of most of its character Anywhere has recently been done up to become an annexe to the Four Floors, complete with poles that were open to public use and the source of some surprising skills and not surprising bruises from our group. (Just by writing Four Floors I should see an extra 10 visitors this week, it is the number 1 search criteria that brings people to this spasmodic blog.)
And that is what happened prior to Christmas.
This week I have mostly been thinking I need to post a blog, it has been 2 months now, mostly because Reidy has discovered Facebook and keeps getting poked. The lack of correspondence was something that Reevey felt so strongly about that he came all the way from Tokyo to tell me this. I was hoping he would also do something really stupid worth blogging about, but the best he could do was bring a bottle of cheap rice wine with him as a golf penalty drink. Rice wine is nasty and is not really designed to be drunk on a golf course in the tropics, the last thing you need to have when you are sweating profusely on the outside is to also be hot on the inside. That and really stinky reflux is what Rice Wine offers by the way of features and ironically it was Reevey that was brought to his knees in a retching heap; suffer in your bear suit I say.
Prior to that week we got the band back together with Kappers and Dappers and new member Layla heading out for a quiet Thai Dinner that quite quickly got a little out of hand. I am not sure whose idea it was to order jaeger bombs or whose it was to order tequila shots, but there was clearly no communication between orderers as both arrived together frequently. I am pretty sure if you were to look up a Cocktails for Dummies that combo would be called a "Recipe for Disaster" because that is what it is.
It was probably Dappers who suffered the most disasters, Reidy stole his credit cards, Kappers stole his cash and I threw his phone out of a cab. We were a little surprised to find the three missing bits that his phone was now in when we drove around the block and even more surprised that once reassembled everything was ticketyboo with just a little scratch on the case. We are not entirely sure what inspired me to throw his phone out of a moving cab, I am pretty sure he told me to do it, but I was hearing all sorts of voices at the time.
The lead up to the night of insanity had been pretty quiet. We had been getting used to our new neighbourhood that is infinitely more interesting than living in a shopping mall at Orchard, just not very convenient. But given we live on an island that takes 40 minutes to drive across convenience is pretty relative. Joo Chiat is a something of a local foodies hang out, we are reminded at least once a week by the cabbies that we live 500m away form the best pepper crab on the island. We also have a noodle shop right across the road that I have been frequenting pretty regularly in an effort to work my way down the menu; so far I have tried the Heineken and Tiger.
We had also managed to squeeze in a quick trip to Aus between this and the last blog entry. In fact the last one was written late on the night before we left in an effort to not to have to tell people what we had been doing. But it backfired as Giles, Brian and a lady at Brian's work expressed their concern at the slide in the quality of speeling and grammer. I will trie to do bettter this time arownd.
Always a pleasure to head home and this was no exception as the Phoebster's first Aussie tour added a new dimension to the excitement. It was a tad cold for the tropical baby and no fan of getting dressed at the best of time she was mighty pissed off at the amount of clothes we kept putting on her. At one point it was down to -3 C in Canberra, which is 36 less than she is used to and when people rocked up to a bbq later that day in shorts and t shirts, I couldn't help but think it was a bit weird that people were dressed for summer in what was the same temp we turn our aircon to at 18 C. I am forecasting a sweaty mess when the same group of people descend on Singapoo in May next year for the Punters club tour.
Coming back to Singapore after a trip back home is always interesting, you kind of forget how unusual this place can be some times. Like one day after we got back when I went to McDonalds for my morning coffee; it is a sad reflection on the quality of coffee in Tampines when a McAfe flat white is the best in town. On this particular day there were three birds lying outside the door obviously not feeling to well, and fortunately I noticed this only after I was already inside, so the manager makes one of the people go from behind the counter, pick up the birds and shove them in a pot plant. I seem to remember bird flu originating in Asia, but this is less of a concern than having customers step over dying Indian Miner birds on the way to getting a burger.
I should have really not ever set foot in there again, but after checking out the options and seeing the sign at this place advertising Special Pig Stomach Stuff I decided better the devil you know and wait a week to see if the Maccas became a quarantine zone and then went back to ordering my regular flat white. I did actually eat in the Stomach Stuff place with some work people and ate fish swim bladder, I only found this out after I had eaten it, seems this restaurant specialises in things to do with creature's tummies.
In totally unrelated news also saw a packet on a desk at work with these instructions that gave no clue as to the content, but 
I have quite often said that my pat pat stick only needs mouth gassing.
This week I have mostly been getting ready to get off the island and to hurriedly piece together the last couple of weeks here. Firstly we moved, and we did this around the National Day holiday. The National Day holiday is the day where traditionally everyone in Singapore goes over to Lex and Ell's for a BBQ, well at least everyone I know does.
It also means traditionally there is a twinge of a headache from the going out the night before. True to tradition I did have a bit of a headache and I had to cook the BBQ having the won the right to do so by losing every game of pool at China One the night before. I did this intentionally so as to avoid any embarrassment usually associated with a Pom attempting to do a BBQ, at least that's my story. It also meant I copped lots of advice from all the blokes, particularly the Aussies there including snippets of information like Singapore use butane gas in their cylinders which burns hotter than LPG, you learn a lot of stuff around the hotplate.
The following week I suddenly found myself home alone in my new home as Reidy took the Phoebster on her first excursion to Vietnam. Conveniently Lex went as well leaving Elliott and I to our own devices, which led to me pointing a gun in a man's face. Friday started off quite well with a civilised dinner but quickly became a night of fairly heavy drinking that was capped off with strange interlude with a strange man. He is well known in these parts as being an interesting and occasionally slightly mad character, in fact he had been reported on this very blog previously. He was at the table setting off fire extinguishes at Christmas time. Anyway I said to this person, I bet you know some weird places here and he said as a matter of fact he did and scurried off to get a cab.
It is possibly not the wisest thing to do to put yourself in the hands of someone who is banned from flying on JAL, but doesn't know why. All he knows is it involved a 1litre and half of vodka and there was noone within a 6 people radius when he woke up. He was also arrested when he landed, but I digress. He took us to this house of Killeny Rd where apparently you get cheap beer. Maybe this is true but all we saw that night was an old man asleep on a camp stretcher in a gray pair of underpants. He was not going o be coaxed out by us making rattling the security cage so we eventually gave up and wandered off. We are still not quite sure if that really happened but it seems it did.
Saturday we went to Indonesia for a round of golf and you would be hard pressed to find 4 sorrier looking people than us that day. We were very sorry, even a roti prata and curry for breakfast could settle the sorryness we were feeling. Fortunately the golf was delayed by a wild storm that tore a large section of the club house roof off and blew the tents that were set up for the local family day off the beach and into the clubhouse. After a 2 hour delay we finally got going and produced some surprisingly good scores, possibly due to the fact that noone could lift their head very well.
After a fairly unsurprisingly tame Saturday night we set off on Sunday to go clay pigeon shooting and this is where I pointed a gun in a man's face. This is not something I wanted to do, but was told to do by a chap who was wandering around giving advice on shooting things. He was trying to show me why my aim was out by having me aim the gun into his left eye. I found this a very odd request and more than just a little disturbing, I have it on good authority this would be an immediate expulsion from any normal gun club anywhere in the world except maybe the middle east. This same bloke then went wandering out to the live range to reset one of the traps. Very weird but a lot of fun, the clay shooting I mean not pointing a gun in a man's eye.
We are off home tomorrow, yipee and I thought if I hurriedly mentioned that Lou, Paul and Orietta have all come to visit us this year then they won't get mad for not being mentioned in this now somewhat sporadic blog, because technically I just did.
This week I have mostly been looking forward to not being in a construction zone. It was a tough decision, we are going to give up having our very own construction site in our backyard, another 2 doors down, one across the road, one across the road up the hill and in 2 months time one next door. So we're off, out of the city and out to the East Coast area. Rated as one of the few good value areas left on the island, but that said still a 50% rent increase in this greedy little town.
It is hard to escape construction here right now, even stinking Tampines is caught up in the notion that it is a place on the move. A new development near the station is encouraging me and everyone else that happens to read the billboard to get caught up in the excitement of Pulsating Tampines. I have used a lot of words to describe Tampines, mostly words related to toilets and peoples' toilet parts, but never pulsating.
Tampines, pronounced Tampon-ease, does occasionally make my head pulsate, speaking of which my head was pulsating a couple of weeks ago after a busy Saturday night. Unfortunately it was a farewell to Anne that led to the hangover, on the upside it was is a particularly silly outing. The trip from the River to dinner was on a open top bus with booze provided by Alex, snacks by Pepsi Matt and an amiable bus driver that detoured slightly through Orchard Rd to stop outside our condo to pick up Reidy.
Not used to drinking on the bus, there was no toilet facilities resulting in a mad rush for the loos at Dempsey Rd. It also meant that toilets became unisex and I am still not sure what Anne meant when she assured me she saw nothing when she burst unexpectedly out of the cubicle while I was doing a wee. I am still not sure if it was an observation, or if she was just trying to relieve an embarrassing situation, maybe it was a combination of both.
But we got over it and had a tasty meal, followed by an excursion out west for a bit of karaoke. I have always said if you are going to sing karaoke then sing it like you mean it and we belted out some classics. Without doubt the highlight of the vodka and tequila inspired evening of vocal disharmony was Anne's rendition of Wuthering Heights. I thought Kate Bush had wandered into the room there for a moment, but then I finished my shot.
This week I have mostly been thinking I haven't done a blog for a while so I had better do one. The irregular updates have been made more irregular than usual, primarily because of our big footed baby being the prime focus of my attention rather than the pub. This is not really a baby blog (apologies for anyone who googled baby blog and was sent here, you will be disappointed) and because I hadn't been doing anything stupid, I even went to New York and didn't drink Jaeger bombs. Mostly because I couldn't keep my eyes open and my usual Jaeger guides were below par themselves. But I did catch a 2 pound bass in a lake in Pennsylvania.However this does not mean that unusual things do not go on around me. For instance I happened to be in a bowling alley the other day. That is reasonably unusual in itself, and stumbled upon what appears to be a soft toy gambling 
problem. The Integrated Resort, Singapore government's name for a dirty great casino, can not come fast enough if people are having to bet on soft toy grabbing to satisfy their gambling needs.
The Integrated Resorts, yep 2 of them are being touted as one of the resons why house prices and rents are stupid right now. From what I can make out that is rubbish; it's greedy landlords doing it, and it is giving us plenty to worry about at the moment as we try to escape the construction going on in what seems like our lounge room it is so close.
So to forget for a moment that we will need to pay in rent the equivalent in our Aussie mortgage back home we went and saw Jet last week. Full of hope and expectation we lobbed a little late, and should have perhaps left when Elliott did .... before they started. He broke out in a rash, perhaps an allergy to bands who believe their own press, and scuttled off to hospital.
Reidy and I went in and sat around for 30 mins before they finally came on. I am not sure what the delay was, couldn't have been drugs and as Reidy rightly noted they aren't that famous. Eventually they came out did their best to entertain, which wasn't much so we went home before they finished. Perhaps I am getting old, but they were pretty ordinary and I was starting to feel like Victor Meldrew as I watched the local rugby playing trader types in front of us try to outdo themselves as the funniest person there.
There have been some odd things going on in my cab rides in Singapoo at the moment, the cabbies seem to be driving worse than ever. To set the scene most of them seem to think their Toyota Crowns are automatics and forget to change gears making for an unpleasent journey at the best of times. On top of this they tend to step on and off the accelerator so that occasionally you get out with a minor whiplash. But they are generally up for a chat, sometimes they even watch the road when they talk to you, and I had a very strange conversation with one the other day.
This older style cabby pointed to the new Tampines tunnel being built and told me it was going to be quicker but slower to get to work. I was a little confused about this and despite his urging to use my 6th sense still couldn't quite grasp at what he was getting at. He then told me it was because of a 6o KG limit. I am thinking aah it's a weight thing and then I realised he meant 60KPH speed limit because I think even the 2 stroke scooter that appeared suddenly at my window next to me weighs more than 60 KG. So then he said I had to use my 6th sense to work out how long it would take to travel the 9Km. I just applied a bit of elemetary maths and said roughly 10 minutes, which isn't bad really considering we had moved 1 km in the last 5 minutes on the PIE. But he wasn't going to let that get in the way of a good story and on and on we went about it for the next very slow 9km. Can't wait for that tunnel to be finished.
This week I have mostly been talking real estate, a favourite topic with just about anyone who is facing a lease renewal this year. Property both for sale ad rent has gone through the roof, and for no good reason really. A recent article in the SMH suggested it is due to a bit of dubious foriegn investment is responsible, perhaps it is but I am actually quite curious to know if that was Eric Ellis' last article from Singapoo. I couldn't imagine that article being well received in the government control room, and his lease was due, so maybe he was looking to get deported rather than pay 70% more rent.
One of the reason for rents going up is supply and demand, and this being affected by greedy landlords taking huge cash lump sums to get together the rest of their neighbours to sell "en-block". This means they knock down big old places and build tall small places, so now you either live in the middle of a construction zone facing a 70% rent hike for the privlidge like us or end up moving to shoe box in middle of road in less desirable areas.
As well as talking real estate I have been learning to be a dad, people ask me what it is like adjusting to being a dad. The two biggest problems have been a temporary lack of control over my sideburns and my pants fall down when I push the pram. A haircut and a belt have fixed these issues, so it is going well now.
We have also discovered Phoebe is quite useful when one of us farts in a lift like one of us did, quite badly or well dependig how you rate farts, on the weekend. It's funny, people smile when you tell them the burning sensation around the eyes and nostrils was due to your baby. They would probably not smile if I told them where the noxious gas really came from, nor would Reidy.
I should have been surprised when I came out of the train station at Tampines and saw a tank. But it comig up for 2 years here and I am now not surprised to see a tank parked outside a suburbn shopping mall.
This week I have mostly been becoming a parent, eventually after a good 41 weeks in the womb little Phoebe emerged into the world. You know you are in for an interesting time when the doctor dons a pair of white gum boots that look like they may have come from a Sydney Fish Markets surplus store to deliver your baby. I would have thought being dragged through a tight space by a suction cup attached to your head would be quite traumatic, but it didn't seem to be too much of a concern.
Being a parent is better than waiting to be a parent, which often meant Emma and friends would get tired and have to sit around in rocking 
chairs to get their breath back. Carrying the chairs around was becoming quite a drag, and we are all quite pleased that is over. So now we have our very own Golden Pig, which are meant to be very lucky. As per instructions from Aunty Token the Token Local Godmother we were to use the significant numbers associated with her birth to win the lottery. We had lots of 3's so filled in the lottery tickets and won nothing. She is not a lucky Golden Pig at all as it turns out, she is something of a pig though.
Being thrown into parenthood obviously means the alcohol consumption and related foolishness has declined significantly, however Singapore still manages to provide plenty of unusual things to talk about.
This week it was the death of an elderly man who lost a fight with his flatmate. While this initially conjured up images of a real life Grumpy Old Men movie gone wrong, it actually highlighted another oddball rule related to subsidised housing and single people. The current rule does not allow eldery people to live in Housing Development Board unit by themselves, so they need to find themselves a flatmate or are assigned one. Quite often this means two people sharing one bedroom, and quite often this is with a stranger and quite often they do not like each other. This was apparently not an isolated case and previous efforts of matching a 48 year old schizophrenic with 65 year old man that was killed over a lottery ticket suggests the screening process might also be a little flawed.
The other day I went to lunch and was a little disturbed to see a bloke on the footpath waving a shotgun around, and even a little worried when he shot it into a tree. But it turns out he wasn't a disgruntled HDB flatmate but a crow culler. Yep that was his job loosing off birdshot into trees during the middle of day to reduce the crow population. Judging by the pile at his feet he was quite good at his job. Very very odd I thought and went off to get a sandwich.
In tank news Matt the Crab appears to have scuttled off his mortal coil. There is no sign of him, and judging by the size of Pinchy 2 he may well have been a tasty treat, there was no sign of chilli or pepper sauce in the water so am assuming sashimi. Pinchy 2 is a far more energetic specimen than his predecessor and may well have been a gardener in a previous life judging by the way he moves the plastic plants around to create his own little sanctuaries in the tank. I also think one of the angel fish is pregnant and Reidy wants to sort out a breeding tank, she has suddenly become very maternal and wants lots of babies in the house.
December was Lex's birthday and we went skiing, not your usual Singaporean night out. Reidy and I were running late for a change and the girl at the counter of what essentially is a big freezer said we should save $120 each and not go skiing. Instead she gave us a jacket each and a bottle of wine under the Purple Grape label to drink. Seemed like a good deal, so headed into the piste to check things out and opened the wine. Up until that point it looked like a wine bottle and looked like it had wine in it, the plastic top instead of a cork should have acted as a warning, but it was only at the first swig that I paid attention to the contents. I was quite frankly surprised at the taste, I was getting sugar with a hint of pruple grape and not much else, so referred to the label. Turns out it was 2.8% alcohol and the label suggested it goes well with tinned pork.
