Stranger Danger

This week I have been most hanging around in the lobby at work for prolonged periods. All because of a campaign that warned me not to get into lifts with strangers and despite being here several months there are still many people I consider strangers in my building. While the target of this particular campaign seems to be little kids, I think anyone would think twice about entering the lift with this weird looking chap. Lift related crimes fall under the Outrage of Modesty laws and carry a jail term of 3-10 years combined with a jolly good caning. I would also like to see Outrage of Modesty extended to girls in hipster jeans exposing uneccessary bumcrack.
The big news of late here has been the prospect of a General Election. The ruling Peoples Action Party (PAP) have been in power since independence in 1965 and although there are other parties invited to participate n the election it seems to be largely an acedemic exercise. I was asking a cabbie about it the other day and said that voting was compulsory but quite offen there are no opposition parties in his voting area so he didn't need to vote. I asked him if he could remember any smear campaigns against the PAP, ignoring my purile attempt at humour he replied it wasn't a good thing to do. Something one of the few opposition politicians found out when he questioned the judicial system and ended up in jail for a while Apparently bloggers discussing the election will be under some scrutiny so the next update could be from a cell with Bubba.
The Aussie National Basketball League (NBL) is particularly annoying, the NBL has worked out there is a sporting drought between rugby finishing and cricket starting, which is when the NBL starts. I thought I had escaped this period of pain, but now the brains trust in the NBL has decided to move team to Singapore. And not just any team, but the quality Hunter Pirates franchise are going to be calling Singers home this year.
Singapore Basket ball CEO Oon Jin Teik said. “For a little more than the price of a movie ticket, Singaporeans will not only be able to catch live world-class basketball action right on home soil, but be able to participate in a whole new form of sports entertainment that is wholesome and exciting, much like what we see today on TV at NBA basketball matches. In time to come, we hope this event will become another key marquee event in Singapore’s ever growing and vibrant sports calendar.” He has obviously been misinformed and perhaps never seen Aussie basketball. Personally I prefer hitting my shins with a stick and would probably eat dirt rather than sit down to watch the Hunter Pirates do their thing. I'm calling crimestoppers this is a serious case of fraud.

Old School

This week I have mostly been taking a trip down memory lane with Mr Foo the cabbie. Actually it only happened once, but it was a very interesting trip. It turns out he grew up in the area we now live and let me tell you there have been some changes in the Orchard area since 1958. The place we live in now used to be the forest where he would catch spiders, the subway station at Orchard used to be a Jewish cemetery, the school near to our local drinking holes on Emarald Hill was a hostipal and a Japanese admin centre in the war, and apparently there is an umarked Japanese Soldier's grave still there to this day. He used to live on Emerald Hill when there was a weird law that long term tenants became dual owners of a property if they stayed there long enough. Unfortunately for him he didn't, it isn't a cheap place to live now, and long gone are the days when he used to have evening picnics on the park that is now the school.
Talking of trips down memory lane and remembering the glory days, this week I also had the misfortune to meet Greg Matthews. By his own admission he is Australian cricket legend and all round good guy. He was shipped out to help the Reuters team win their annual 6 a side cricket competition, but it wasn't entirely clear in what capacity. If drinking heavily, regaling anyone who would listen with personal feats of cricket heroism while all the time busting moves on any female he saw, were part of his brief with Reuters then he did his job magnificently. I think I added more value to the team by cooking sausages for free beer.
Later in the evening he turned to marriage councellor as he berated me for not marrying Reidy and went further to annoy the crap out of me at the BQ Bar. When asked if I was happy, I told him I was, mostly because I didn't have to pretend I wasn't something I am not and hang out with celebrities thinking I am one. He was a little upset after that and was whinging to his mate that he was going to change managers. No idea what that had to do with anything, but I wish him well, especially as he turns 50 this year and he sounded really happy about that.
Funnily enough we did make up and was due to the efforts of another girl in the bar who clearly under the influence of a day's worth of beer in the sun told me she would like to make love to me and Reidy. After I stopped laughing I told her she would have to check with Reidy, so over she goes and starts rubbing Reidy's arm and staring cross eyed into her eyes. Reidy looked at her like she had gone mad, and Greggy, now my best friend quickly forgot his sage like advice on the joys of being married and starts nudging me saying "You're in there with 2 chicks mate."
At that point we were saved by an unassisted fall, the drunk girl fell heavily to the floor, we took it as our cue to leave. Old GM thought she actually fell rather sexily to the floor and took at his cue to pull out the old charm.

Bog Blog

This week I have mostly been doing nothing exciting. But there have been a few odd things going on at work so I will take this temporary lull in proceedings to share this with you.
The first issue, and the second come to think about it, are related to the toilet. I have been a little wary of the toilets at work. There were two reasons for this; firstly I discovered the flush is sensor driven and I have given myself a couple of surprise washes while shifting position and secondly people occasionally use the toilet bowl as a hand basin. However that is old news, buried somewhere deep in this blog. I have other issues with the toilet.
While as a Westerner I am always a little surprised that someone would choose the squat over the comforts of a comfy (albeit with a hair trigger flush) seat. People do for a variety of reasons; some say it is more hygienic amongst other things. But I think even these people would agree with my thinking that a squat is not a place to take prescription medicine. Why go to all that bother to seal a pill in a sterile packet if the user is going to crack it open, with their pants down squatting over a shithole, not a shithole like Warren New Jersey, but an actual shithole. By the way I am not the only person worried about toilets; http://www.worldtoilet.org/ is a Singaporian web site dedicated to toilets.
The other gripe I have with the toilets is the cleaning routine. They prop the door open for all to see while mopping it down. However if you happen to swing by looking to drop the kids off in the pool and they are in full clean mode, they don’t stop. No they usher you in and you feel obliged to go through the motions, so to speak. Anyway the car is prone to backfire a little when I am dropping the kids off and this is an unfortunate consequence with the door right open and the kitchen next door. I try to out wait the cleaner in this situation, but this can be a prolonged stand off lasting several hours if the cubicle I am in hasn’t been cleaned.
Speaking of cleaners, we have one that empties my bin 3 times a day, I don’t generate that much rubbish, but that’s the rules; 3 times a day. Then once a week the cleaner comes past with a bucket and sponge and wipes down my desk. I am not the cleanest of corporate citizens, so the desk cleaning has become another stand off with the cleaning staff. I don’t move my stuff and neither does she, so I end up with unusual shapes of cleanliness amongst the rubble on my desk. Eventually I am hoping to match up all the triangles of cleanliness to make one clean desk, could be a while on current form.
I was invited to join a Singaporian blog register this week. No idea what they will make of this, I suspect I will just get arrested or killed or something for taking the piss out of their patch. Click on the vote button on the site and skew the figures.
I would also like to thank a masked avenger with the handle of “Footprint” who left me a note last week to explain why stupid towns had stupid names in Jersey. It was in fact because “they are named after the first toilet makers and the first companies to dump toxic waste. But then they ran out of towns...” Makes a lot of sense now, thanks Footprint.
No photos were taken this week, so here’s an old one of a moth I took with my phone. Really I did.