Unusual Carnival

This week I have mostly been a little surprised, not a lot just a little, after all this is Singapoo and surprise is moderated. I was first surprised last week when I had a root canal done and found it to be almost enjoyable. I was surprised because I could watch a movie on a little screen worn on my head while a bloke in a white coat rooted around my roots in my gob. I was also surprised to find I enjoyed the movie Volcano, but that possibly could have been down to even a stupid movie being more enjoyable than having a root canal.
Then was surprised to find I was due at a seminar that was at the same hotel that George Bush was staying at. I was surprised that the 10 minute journey from home took 30 minutes and was surprised I need to be searched and x-rayed and searched and x-rayed just to get in the door. I was further surprised a few days later when I discovered George was on his way to a wizards convention. But I was not surprised how stupid John Howard looked, nor was I surprised how stupid he sounded; "Howard, in Hanoi for an Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) forum summit, told reporters he found some of the developments in Iraq inspiring" What a tit.
But the thing that really did surprise me a lot this week, was the apparent fervent embracing of the legalisation of sex in the botty or administration by mouth. We didn't actually make it to this carnival, but it sounded interesting and maybe just a little inspiring. Those crazy Singaporians.

Hand Toilet

This week I have mostly been bathed in Christmas lights, as has most of the island. In fact if one is to believe the papers, and we are certainly encouraged to here, then over 6 km of Christmas lights are now twinkling away until January. This means 1/7 of the length of the island and a bit over a third of the width is lit up. Pretty impressive stuff as was the effort from Tangs department store who has managed to find that elusive biblical statement that says Christmas is in fact a commercial exercise and nothing to do with any religious beliefs. It came from Matthew apparently.
Just in note to anyone who has popped by this page on the back of a search for religious beliefs, you are going to be mightily disappointed, I don't have any. It is interesting to see what people type into search engines that makes them swing by. Three searches for the four floors, one for recreational drinking and one where someone googled "wine and flatulance" all of which sent them my way for some reason.
Apart from the lights going on this week, the other big news is that bottom love and kissing people on, in or around their special places is now legal in Singapore. Plenty of sighs of both pleasure and relief being breathed around the island on what was a fairly low key announcement. What was apparently a more news worthy story was that of some fast thumbed 16 year old kid setting a new world record for being the quickest SMSer on the planet. It made the font page of the broadsheets here, the nimble fingered chap shaved half a second off the old time and is confident he can take a further 2 seconds off the new time. I wonder if Singapore will be setting up an SMS training institute to develop this skill. I did also wonder (I seem to do a lot of wondering) if this it was possibly a related story to the and he was hurriedly sending messages to his mates to brag about his first legal experience in the bedroom.
Finally in another bottom related incident this week, the toilet bowl handwasher was back. He had two really good goes at it between flushes and at one point thought he may have been doing his washing in there so vigorous was the scrubbing. I was contemplating rushing out of my cubicle to see who it was, but part of me doesn't really want to know.

Thai Lie

This week I have mostly been breathing freely for a change, it seems Indonesia's smoke has drifted off to annoy their own people instead of their neighbours. Some of the fires have even gone out, no thanks to any effort from our nearby slash and burners, it has started raining at last. So there goes the opportunity to go on so called leave with so called respritory problems.
I say so called because that's what Singaporeans like to say, everything is so called. I was coming home in a cab the other day with a cabbie who was lost, seemingly he didn't drive round Orchard very often. Quite a remarkable statement from a cabbie who's job it is to drive around a land mass that is 42km long and 20km wide and Orchard is the shopping captial of this small isalnd. But lost he was and when I told him we needed to exit onto our road he told me to tell him what so called ramp to get onto. I told him it was actually a real exit ramp which is why we were now on it. He didn't get it but we eventually made it my so called home safe and sound so I guess I have no cause to complain.
But then we went to a so called Thai restaraunt called the Thai Village just near our house. We have often passed it and thought it looked like nice. Turns out it is the adjoining spa that is nice, the so called Thai Village restaraunt is in fact a tacky Chinese restaraunt specialising in Shark Fin. Depsite their best efforts to convince us otherwise it was unlikely we were going to get a Jungle Curry there and we were not happy about the proud advertising of shark fin as a delicacy. Slightly reminiscent of a Monty Python cheese shop skit, we told them it wasn't much of a Thai place and legged it to a Thai place that was a in fact a Thai place and turns out a very good one. Except for being in a shopping mall and the very dull person sitting nearby rabbiting on and on to his two lady friends about doing business.
We enjoyed the last of the festivals last week with a public holiday to celebrate Hari Raya on the Tuesday. We also came to a conclusion that there isn't much to inspire you to do much that is off the cuff and doesn't involve booze or food in Singapore. After a late breakfast we were wondering what to do next and eventually half heartedly agreed to go to a museum. We only managed a couple of hundred metres in the general direction of the so called museum when we came to a wine bar so stopped for a bottle of champers. The next thing we knew we were at the ATM getting more cash to go to Brewerkz for more drinks and lunch, and that was pretty much it for our day, exciting stuff.