This week I have mostly been enjoying the tropical festive season. Although it appears to be just an excuse to encourage people to shop more, not sure that’s actually possible for some of the dedicated locals. Some arse clown has decided that it would be really cool to stick squeaky things in kids shoes, which is annoying at the best of times, but horrendous this time of year. Imagine 100 kids in a shopping mall with a rubber ducky strapped to each foot and you have an idea of what I’m talking about. Locals love ‘em, I want to punch ‘em.
Our patch has become a nightmare, particularly as Orchard Rd is lit up like a … Christmas tree. This means every amateur photographer on the island, and there are plenty, is drawn to the lights smacking you in the shins with a tripod at every turn. In the true spirit of the Singaporean Christmas the lights are sponsored, this year brought to us by Hitachi and Visa. Pizza Hut has even got in to the spirit with the alarmingly pink Holly Jolly Pizza. http://www.pizzahut.com.sg/html/home/index_20051122.asp
We were planning to our bit for Australian culture and head to Arab St with a couple of Aussie flags and some iron pipes. But I’ve hurt my back and can hardly put on my pants let alone swing an iron bar. So I went to see an osteopath instead. Turns out he had spent some time in Aus and had some interesting ideas on how to defuse the situation.
But not as interesting as his ideas for dealing with drug traffickers, which perhaps provided more of an insight as to why he got into manipulating spines for a living. He thought capital punishment was wrong but if he was the homeland minister then he would use drug traffickers to train new recruits on how to beat up prisoners and even use “electrical stimulation”. He went on to explain that way they would be punished every month for the rest of their lives. Nice.
Today I saw a woman with a shirt that said “I love vintage Mickey” I don’t, it stinks a bit.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Lost Blog
This other week I mostly managed to delete a blog, which was an accident and was down to me trying to sort out the email settings. I won’t even try to remember what was in there apart from the rather unsavoury behaviour from Pinchy who did his shell shedding thing and then proceeded to eat his own head.
It was around this time that we also went to the Terrorism exhibition at the recently opened National Library. It was memorable for two things; The National Library is a joke and the exhibition was a bigger one. The National Library is an impressive building but it would appear they spent the entire budget on the building and forgot the pretty crucial element to any library; the books.
We got there with 30 mins to spare before closing following a pre exhibition bevvy and were warned by the guard that we would have to hurry. Turns out you could get there 1 1/2 minutes before closing and still see everything. At this point we weren’t to know so we raced down to the lower ground floor, past the rows of empty shelves to the exhibition tucked away in a corner next to some more empty shelves.
Despite all the press and TV advertising the whole thing was set up with the appearance of something of an after thought. Sniggering loudly is considered inappropriate behaviour in a library and probably even more so at a terrorist exhibition, but there was nothing else to do as we filed past the shop front mannequins dressed up as terrorists.
Apparently people that stand with an unusual lean wearing green lab coats and balaclavas are to be approached with caution they are more than likely part of the Pembela Islam Islamic Salvation Front. You should also keep an eye out for kids in T shirts jeans and sneakers they are suicide bombers.
The exhibition was then taken up with some pretty gruesome pictures of the Tamil Tiger’s handiwork that included a lot of shooting hacking and burning. So we legged it with 28 minutes to go before closing and enjoyed a very fine Spanish meal at Chijmes instead.
It was around this time that we also went to the Terrorism exhibition at the recently opened National Library. It was memorable for two things; The National Library is a joke and the exhibition was a bigger one. The National Library is an impressive building but it would appear they spent the entire budget on the building and forgot the pretty crucial element to any library; the books.
We got there with 30 mins to spare before closing following a pre exhibition bevvy and were warned by the guard that we would have to hurry. Turns out you could get there 1 1/2 minutes before closing and still see everything. At this point we weren’t to know so we raced down to the lower ground floor, past the rows of empty shelves to the exhibition tucked away in a corner next to some more empty shelves.
Despite all the press and TV advertising the whole thing was set up with the appearance of something of an after thought. Sniggering loudly is considered inappropriate behaviour in a library and probably even more so at a terrorist exhibition, but there was nothing else to do as we filed past the shop front mannequins dressed up as terrorists. Apparently people that stand with an unusual lean wearing green lab coats and balaclavas are to be approached with caution they are more than likely part of the Pembela Islam Islamic Salvation Front. You should also keep an eye out for kids in T shirts jeans and sneakers they are suicide bombers.
The exhibition was then taken up with some pretty gruesome pictures of the Tamil Tiger’s handiwork that included a lot of shooting hacking and burning. So we legged it with 28 minutes to go before closing and enjoyed a very fine Spanish meal at Chijmes instead.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Chicken Hat
This week I have mostly been re acquainting myself with Singapore and all that is odd in the place. This is because we have just returned from a week long sanity check fact finding mission in Aus. One of the facts I found was that there is actually real live music out there, not the cover band crap we have to put up with here. A pleasant afternoon was spent at Homebake in Sydney catching some fine toons including what was pretty much a Crowded House gig with all the members that hadn’t killed themselves up on stage with the elder Finn and some other Split Enz people. It seemed a million miles away from crap cover bands like “Six in da City” who we had the misfortune to see in Singapore following a comedy session at the 1 night stand.
It was a little difficult to escape Singapore when in Aus due to the country's tenacity when it comes to hanging drug traffickers. As unfortunate as the incident was, that’s the rules and they love rules here, so no surprise there was no negotiation. The incident hardly caused a stir here, in fact the only reason people knew about it was due to the stir the Aus media made. Normally the hangman quietly goes about his business and people get on with their shopping and eating safe in the knowledge that bad people are being dangled from a length of rope. Although a very brave journo did write an article questioning the whole thing in the Government owned Straits Times. I think he is due for execution some time next week.
In sharp contrast to killing people, it appears Singapore was quite busy in our absence developing a preventative cure for Hepatitis A and B; it is the humble Kleenex and they were giving the cure away for free at the lights at Tampines Central. Singporians love free stuff so it was quite a fight to get my pack. They were probably also keen get their hands on a packet as the locals use them to reserve a table at the hawker markets. There is an unwritten law that says if there is a packet on a table then it is reserved. Elliot, the occasional foot drinker has a master plan to run around the hawker markets just before they open and put a packet on every table and sit back and watch the implosion as the locals try to work out whether or not they are brave enough to break the law, even if it is only an unwritten one.
I have been a little slack of late in my efforts to get to work favouring cab over the MRT train ride. So I decided to catch the MRT last Friday to see how my fellow commuters were and if anyone had missed me. Turned out they hadn’t, they were all too busy sleeping standing up and invading your public space to notice my return. But I was intrigued to discover that the MRT is running a competition to find the best station, encouraging commuters to vote in this annual event. I am planning to skew their results by voting for the Buangkok station, I have never been there, but did report earlier the hooha over this station and people dialling 999 to complain about white elephant cut outs on the station fence. As soon as I can find out how to vote on line I will be encouraging people to do the same.
I am not typically in the habit of wearing chicken or pork on my head, but it’s nice to know you can have it if you ask.
It was a little difficult to escape Singapore when in Aus due to the country's tenacity when it comes to hanging drug traffickers. As unfortunate as the incident was, that’s the rules and they love rules here, so no surprise there was no negotiation. The incident hardly caused a stir here, in fact the only reason people knew about it was due to the stir the Aus media made. Normally the hangman quietly goes about his business and people get on with their shopping and eating safe in the knowledge that bad people are being dangled from a length of rope. Although a very brave journo did write an article questioning the whole thing in the Government owned Straits Times. I think he is due for execution some time next week.
In sharp contrast to killing people, it appears Singapore was quite busy in our absence developing a preventative cure for Hepatitis A and B; it is the humble Kleenex and they were giving the cure away for free at the lights at Tampines Central. Singporians love free stuff so it was quite a fight to get my pack. They were probably also keen get their hands on a packet as the locals use them to reserve a table at the hawker markets. There is an unwritten law that says if there is a packet on a table then it is reserved. Elliot, the occasional foot drinker has a master plan to run around the hawker markets just before they open and put a packet on every table and sit back and watch the implosion as the locals try to work out whether or not they are brave enough to break the law, even if it is only an unwritten one.
I have been a little slack of late in my efforts to get to work favouring cab over the MRT train ride. So I decided to catch the MRT last Friday to see how my fellow commuters were and if anyone had missed me. Turned out they hadn’t, they were all too busy sleeping standing up and invading your public space to notice my return. But I was intrigued to discover that the MRT is running a competition to find the best station, encouraging commuters to vote in this annual event. I am planning to skew their results by voting for the Buangkok station, I have never been there, but did report earlier the hooha over this station and people dialling 999 to complain about white elephant cut outs on the station fence. As soon as I can find out how to vote on line I will be encouraging people to do the same.
I am not typically in the habit of wearing chicken or pork on my head, but it’s nice to know you can have it if you ask.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Pig's Organs
This week I have mostly been eating Pig Organ Soup, actually I haven't, but it's one of the delectable dishes on offer in the newly transformed food court at Tampines Central. Strangely enough I haven't tried this speciality, nor have I tried the Peanut roll at Jolibean, it looks scarily like a shit sandwich to me.
Work has been a bit weird this week, first of all we had a memo come around at work that stated as of December 9, every second Friday is Eat with your Family day. Inspired by the Government decree, we can now leave work at 5:30 on a Friday night, and in fact will be prompted to leave by people doing rounds of the office. That is a very odd concept to an Aussie, back home this would mean the boss would have to come down to the pub to let you know you could go home now. But in a place where you are expected to work way too late, I'll take what I can get and shall be enjoying my drink with my friends night every second Friday.Then we had a fire drill last week, I am used to the Aussie version of a fire drill where you find out when the drill is due and then catch the lift down just before hand to avoid the walk down the stairs, get your name marked off and head off for a coffee or a beer. Not here though, apparently they stop the lifts going down 30 minutes before the drill to prevent people going down early. They brought a fireman in to practice being a firmeman, had an ambulance here to practice being an ambulance, while we practiced not being on fire, scarily efficient and just a little bit odd if you ask me.
We went for a bike ride to Malaysia today, as one does when one is the tropics. Following a fairly damp Johor Straights crossing on a bumboat we set off for S. Rengkit for a seafood feast. It's quite an interesting ride, an infinetly poorer place than Singapore, but the locals didn't seem to notice and were a pretty happy bunch. I was somewhat of an amateur on the first outing on my new you beaut Cash Converters bike, falling off twice because I didn't kick out of the clip in pedals in time.
Malaysia is a reasonably conservative part of the world, so I was a little surprised to find the local tissue manufacturers were advertising just how many pulls you could expect get through per box of tissues.
200 is quite a few, although I have it on good authority from Degs that you can get more pulls from a tissue by splitting the 2 ply, important tip for students that one. We're heading back home next week, and while Reidy will be kissing the tarmac when we get there, I will be kissing the Barmat at the Wallace.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Drain Fishing
This week I have mostly been haunted by the Little River Band, I am actually very disturbed to see they still exist and in fact still release albums (23 to date) and tour and stuff. I get to listem to them every day in a cab home from work courtesy of Classic Gold Easy Listening Hits FM or whatever the hell the radio staion is called. It is one of 15 government owned stations and seems to be the cabbies' station of choice. Ratings time must be such a surpirse; "And the winner is.... the government... again Yay."
I was also quite disappointed to discover Michael Bolton isn't dead, maybe I just hoped he was dead, anyway he isn't and is touring Singapore soon. If the enduring popluarity of the Little River Band is anything to go by, the baldy mulleted crooner of insipid love songs that turn your stools to liquid will be around for another 20 years in the lucrative Asia market.
We went to Hong Kong over the weekend and I was greeted with more Little River Band straight off the plane and has led me to believe that this band is sending subliminal mesages to HK cabbies to kill themselves and their passengers. Our cabby got himself up to 160Kmh within 5 minutes of leaving the airport, we also got a good look at all the lanes at various brief swervy intervals along the way into downtown Kowloon.
We went to Honkers to meet up with visiting NSW South Coast dignitaries Mummers and Rocket. When he wasn't attracting crowds of gaping Chinese dwarves he was wearing the subway as a hat and marvelling at the latest techniques in drain fishing.
Apart from the unsavoury fishing methods and the incredible crowds, and the meat sold from the roadside stalls, which is possibly only slightly more hygenic than eating fish that came out of a drain. Honng Kong is a great place ot visit.
Dramatically hilly compared to the 42Km long pancake that is Singapore, it is pretty damn spectacular. The weekend was capped off by a very generous Cathay Pacific that chose to upgrade us to Bidness on the way home.
More Photos form HK:
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I was also quite disappointed to discover Michael Bolton isn't dead, maybe I just hoped he was dead, anyway he isn't and is touring Singapore soon. If the enduring popluarity of the Little River Band is anything to go by, the baldy mulleted crooner of insipid love songs that turn your stools to liquid will be around for another 20 years in the lucrative Asia market.
We went to Hong Kong over the weekend and I was greeted with more Little River Band straight off the plane and has led me to believe that this band is sending subliminal mesages to HK cabbies to kill themselves and their passengers. Our cabby got himself up to 160Kmh within 5 minutes of leaving the airport, we also got a good look at all the lanes at various brief swervy intervals along the way into downtown Kowloon.
We went to Honkers to meet up with visiting NSW South Coast dignitaries Mummers and Rocket. When he wasn't attracting crowds of gaping Chinese dwarves he was wearing the subway as a hat and marvelling at the latest techniques in drain fishing.
Apart from the unsavoury fishing methods and the incredible crowds, and the meat sold from the roadside stalls, which is possibly only slightly more hygenic than eating fish that came out of a drain. Honng Kong is a great place ot visit.Dramatically hilly compared to the 42Km long pancake that is Singapore, it is pretty damn spectacular. The weekend was capped off by a very generous Cathay Pacific that chose to upgrade us to Bidness on the way home.
More Photos form HK:
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Sunday, October 30, 2005
Broken Things
This week I have mostly been breaking things or had thing broken for me without my permission. Last Friday night I came home from a very hectic session at China 1 and woke up fully clothed on the bed early Saturday morning, got up for a wee and then went back to sleep. Then I woke up to the sound of running water and found the toilet cistern had a massive crack in it and was gushing water everywhere. What the bloody hell happened there? I have no idea and am open to suggestion as to how that might have happened. Then we get a letter from the body corporate saying that out toilet is flooding the BBQ area. I don’t particularly like the toilet when I am in it and I am sure the people burning sausages downstairs are none too delighted about the odd turd emerging nearby. On the upside it is Halloween tonight and there is a party down there so we will be constantly tricking the party goers with poo. So now we are down to 2 toilets.
This is also a little untimely as one of the other things I have managed to break is my knee. Well not really broken but it's sore, the GP said it was Housemaid's knee, but the surgeon I was referred to said it was jumper's knee which I am little happier about. Haven't been doing too much jumping of late though, my knee is too sore. He perscribed some anti inflammatory medicine and then gave me some other tablets for the gastric I was going to get. Bit weird going to the doctor and being perscribed a dose of bum wee, but it is getting better and I'll soon be jumping like an overjoyed housemaid before you know it.
Last Saturday it was Octoberfest and Singaporians dressed as Germans doing the duck dance is quite a sight. I was a little dusty from the night before and didn’t manage to fully participate to the same level as Elliot who managed to drink half a pint with no hands and most of a full pint with his feet. Impressed the hell out of the locals nearby, but I didn’t end up liking them too much because they won the 42” Plasma screen and I didn’t.
Then to cap it all off some wanker broke into our PC, not entirely sure what they did but it broke a lot of stuff. They seemed to like Gomez though as the music files that are there as a backup only because music piracy is illegal, were some of the files accessed. I should have got someone who knows stuff about computers to fix it, but I had to make do with me instead and rebuilt it.
We have 2 public holidays next week, yippee. Annoyingly they holidays are on Tuesday and Thursday, but I will take what I can get. The upside of this is that the holiday on Tuesday for deepavali the Hindu festival of light which is also Melbourne Cup, very considerate. Deepavali is one of the biggest events in the Hindu calendar the Indians in my team at work were bemoaning the lack of fireworks allowed in Singapore for the event. It must be mayhem in India. With the clocks shifting for daylight savings that means we will need to start celebrating Melbourne Cup at around 11:00am, I’m sure we will cope.
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This is also a little untimely as one of the other things I have managed to break is my knee. Well not really broken but it's sore, the GP said it was Housemaid's knee, but the surgeon I was referred to said it was jumper's knee which I am little happier about. Haven't been doing too much jumping of late though, my knee is too sore. He perscribed some anti inflammatory medicine and then gave me some other tablets for the gastric I was going to get. Bit weird going to the doctor and being perscribed a dose of bum wee, but it is getting better and I'll soon be jumping like an overjoyed housemaid before you know it.
Last Saturday it was Octoberfest and Singaporians dressed as Germans doing the duck dance is quite a sight. I was a little dusty from the night before and didn’t manage to fully participate to the same level as Elliot who managed to drink half a pint with no hands and most of a full pint with his feet. Impressed the hell out of the locals nearby, but I didn’t end up liking them too much because they won the 42” Plasma screen and I didn’t. Then to cap it all off some wanker broke into our PC, not entirely sure what they did but it broke a lot of stuff. They seemed to like Gomez though as the music files that are there as a backup only because music piracy is illegal, were some of the files accessed. I should have got someone who knows stuff about computers to fix it, but I had to make do with me instead and rebuilt it.
We have 2 public holidays next week, yippee. Annoyingly they holidays are on Tuesday and Thursday, but I will take what I can get. The upside of this is that the holiday on Tuesday for deepavali the Hindu festival of light which is also Melbourne Cup, very considerate. Deepavali is one of the biggest events in the Hindu calendar the Indians in my team at work were bemoaning the lack of fireworks allowed in Singapore for the event. It must be mayhem in India. With the clocks shifting for daylight savings that means we will need to start celebrating Melbourne Cup at around 11:00am, I’m sure we will cope.
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Friday, October 21, 2005
Four Floors
This week I have mostly been entertaining visitors, 3 in a week has seen the alcohol index move from steady to relentless leaving my liver a pickled and angry little piece of offal. Unfortunately this has also involved tequila on a fairly regular basis and including a foolish decision to drink margaritas until the Café Iguana bar closed last Monday night. Tequila inspired hangovers on a Tuesday are not good at the best of times; they seem to be worse in 30° heat out in the Singapore heartlands. I’ve now officially given up trying to sort out a hangover breakfast so suffered in grumpy silence for most of the day.
Tequila is also responsible for making me go to Orchard Towers with one of my visitors. Or at least that is my explanation; colloquially know as the four floors of ladies of ill repute that rhyme with floors this place is in fact four floors of seedy bars. These seedy bars attract some dubious people including some very friendly ladies, some of which have very large adams apples and big hands.
It is an odd coincidence that seedy bars with friendly ladies seem to attract large sweaty blokes and I felt obliged to adopt a large sweaty name so decided I would like to be known as Stan (Apologies to any svelte and non sweaty Stans out there). There was no fooling the locals, the name was obviously not sweaty enough and failed to attract much attention except for a lady with an unsightly bulge in her frock and the biggest head and hands I have ever seen.
I was heartened to discover during a rare lucid moment this week that the Singapore Navy has tomcat missiles. Can’t say I really wanted to know that but the poster in the train told me all about them. Apparently they can fly very close to the water for a range of 90km, which makes me kind of glad I didn’t bring my kayak over. I never thought of a missile having best things but, apparently they do and the best thing about these missiles is that I can sleep easy knowing Singapore was safe from attack.
But it did get me thinking, I hope they check the guns to see if they’re loaded before they clean them and then I wondered what they would hit if it did go off. Well it turns out they could hit large chunks of Malaysia, Sumatra and a couple of Indonesian islands. Nice work. But if you could of all that damage without having to even travel to it why bother with a navy just give everyone a Tomcat Missile launcher for home and do away with National Service. I would make such a sensible prime minister.
Tequila is also responsible for making me go to Orchard Towers with one of my visitors. Or at least that is my explanation; colloquially know as the four floors of ladies of ill repute that rhyme with floors this place is in fact four floors of seedy bars. These seedy bars attract some dubious people including some very friendly ladies, some of which have very large adams apples and big hands.
It is an odd coincidence that seedy bars with friendly ladies seem to attract large sweaty blokes and I felt obliged to adopt a large sweaty name so decided I would like to be known as Stan (Apologies to any svelte and non sweaty Stans out there). There was no fooling the locals, the name was obviously not sweaty enough and failed to attract much attention except for a lady with an unsightly bulge in her frock and the biggest head and hands I have ever seen.
I was heartened to discover during a rare lucid moment this week that the Singapore Navy has tomcat missiles. Can’t say I really wanted to know that but the poster in the train told me all about them. Apparently they can fly very close to the water for a range of 90km, which makes me kind of glad I didn’t bring my kayak over. I never thought of a missile having best things but, apparently they do and the best thing about these missiles is that I can sleep easy knowing Singapore was safe from attack.
But it did get me thinking, I hope they check the guns to see if they’re loaded before they clean them and then I wondered what they would hit if it did go off. Well it turns out they could hit large chunks of Malaysia, Sumatra and a couple of Indonesian islands. Nice work. But if you could of all that damage without having to even travel to it why bother with a navy just give everyone a Tomcat Missile launcher for home and do away with National Service. I would make such a sensible prime minister.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Shop for Chops
This week I have mostly been working too hard, which is very annoying as it interferes far more interesting activities. The other Pinchie was in town this week and he was absolutley stunned at the amount of time he was expected to spend in the office. It is bordering on ridiculous, particularly when people organise meetings at 7pm on a Friday. I'm Australian for god's sake, if I am not in line of sight of a pub by 5:30 on a Friday I get a little twitchy. To make matters worse there isn't actually a pub in Tampines so I am twitchy anyway.
The good news is I seemed to have finaly finaly solved my breakfast dilemmas; kaya toast, not healthy but tasty. But this discovery came at the cost of another unfortunate incident at Han's the inept coffee makers accross the road. I asked for a toasted ham cheese tomato and this time no stinking cucumber. Toasted sandwich with no stinking cucumber they repeated back to me, yeah no stinking cucumber I said. Well bugger me if the sandwich didn't come back with no tomato and thick slices of rancid devil's helmet.
I have finally come to the conclusion that I am a victim of some sort of cucumber conspiracy and the people at Subway are in on it as well. I carefully explain I don't want cucumber or gherkins on my six incher (Subway is unfortunately is the best excuse for a sandwich at Tampines) and they equally carefully put them on. This by the way happens world wide and is not limited to Tampines in the Singapore heartlands. It turns out that plenty of other people hate the stinking stuff and also interestingly so do cockroaches.
I have always been a strong support of meat loyalty programmes and was delighted to discover that every $10 spent at Shop N Save = 1 chop. They've got my business, although it's not entirely clear if that is lamb or pork.
I have a sore head today due to tequila so am going to retire to the couch. Reidy is back next week... hoorah.
The good news is I seemed to have finaly finaly solved my breakfast dilemmas; kaya toast, not healthy but tasty. But this discovery came at the cost of another unfortunate incident at Han's the inept coffee makers accross the road. I asked for a toasted ham cheese tomato and this time no stinking cucumber. Toasted sandwich with no stinking cucumber they repeated back to me, yeah no stinking cucumber I said. Well bugger me if the sandwich didn't come back with no tomato and thick slices of rancid devil's helmet.
I have finally come to the conclusion that I am a victim of some sort of cucumber conspiracy and the people at Subway are in on it as well. I carefully explain I don't want cucumber or gherkins on my six incher (Subway is unfortunately is the best excuse for a sandwich at Tampines) and they equally carefully put them on. This by the way happens world wide and is not limited to Tampines in the Singapore heartlands. It turns out that plenty of other people hate the stinking stuff and also interestingly so do cockroaches.
I have always been a strong support of meat loyalty programmes and was delighted to discover that every $10 spent at Shop N Save = 1 chop. They've got my business, although it's not entirely clear if that is lamb or pork.
I have a sore head today due to tequila so am going to retire to the couch. Reidy is back next week... hoorah.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Courteous Safety
This week I have mostly been a bachelor because Reidy went back home, I only checked my voice mail the other day, but there was a desperate plea for me to bring her home. This was only after one night, so I don't know what she's doing to people but it is having an effect.
Surprisingly I have been pretty much hangover free this week at work and have no food stories, other than to report we were nearly thrown out of a food court for bringing in beer one evening. Apparently it was Muslim food court and someone complained. So we went downstairs to the Chinese food court where they throw you out for not drinking.
My suspicions around people using the toilet bowl as a hand basin have been confirmed this week. I didn’t really know who to turn to, but an Englishman who has done some time in the region said it would have been because they couldn’t get to the squat toilet and use the hose thingy on the side. His other advice was to avoid shaking hands with people. Wise words matey.
I was intrigued to discover there was going to be a Courteous and Safety road show on Saturday at my local Train station. Well that looked too good to pass up, I would love to be able to combine courteousness with safetynesness.
The courteousness bit I could understand as getting on the trains is a bit of a free for all despite the instructions on the platform clearly showing the recommended traffic flow for people getting on an off. But the safety bit I think would have been pretty brief, the most unsafe thing you can do is sleep standing up which the average Singaporean seems to be able to do and quite often without holding on to anything. You can’t fall on to the tracks or push someone on to them as a result of some spirited high jinx gone wrong. Firstly because there are doors on the platform timed to open only when the train has safely stopped, and secondly because there are no spirited high jinx allowed anywhere in Singapore.
But fortunately I got a call to go bike riding instead, so missed the road show, but there is one at a another station today which sounds far more interesting. It also includes a Safety and Courteous race where you have to complete various challenges in a safe and courteous manner and finish with a sprint to the finish line. I am so there. Or maybe I will go to the Emergency Preparedness Road show on at the end of Scotts Rd near us. They were just getting going when I saw it yesterday and don’t actually know what it’s about but did seem to involve a recruitment drive for prison guards.
So much to choose from…….
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Umper Lumpur
We got off the island last weekend, which was very exciting, and this time we even went to another country, which was even more exciting. But not that exciting, we went to Kuala Lumpur. Emma was even less excited when I told her that No, it isn't the place that Umper Lumpers come from. The hosties aboard our Japanese Air Lines flight barely had time to put away their life jackets and whistles.The convenience of flying to KL is brought into question when a 30 minute flight takes you 5 hours door to door after check in times and transport and crap. Doesn't help when the KL airport is actually in Singapore. Well at least it felt like it was, the cab ride was at least an hour from airport to hotel. The cheerful lady at the luxury bus desk at our mediocre hotel told me it was 5 hours from Singapore on a bus to hotel door.
KL was fun for a couple of days, we went to catch up with and work mate who was on his way to India. The first thing Reidy noticed was the smell, and try as I might I just couldn't convince her it was the sewerage and not me. The second was the next day when we saw hills around the outskirts. It's a bit weird when you live in very flat place and you get excited about seeing earth bosoms in a city, but that's what happens.
The highlight of what was otherwise a pretty ordinary 3-hour "Country Tour" was the world's biggest pewter tankard at the Royal pewter factory, no it wasn't; Batu Caves was. This is a Hindu shrine in a cave (weird that) at the top of a 272 step climb. We didn't notice the climb because we were too busy being intimidated by the resident monkeys, I don't like monkeys in the wild they're just a little too sneaky and sure of themselves for my liking. The caves were pretty cool if a bit stinky but this time I couldn't blame it on the sewage. There was bit of stuff going on there, but it was pretty well deserted. Nothing like the festival of Thaipusam where 1.5 million people flock there over 3 days to either watch or participate in honouring the Hindu god Subramanian.
Celebrating the occasion is up to the individual from offering up to bread and milk to sticking steel skewers through various part of the body. Apparenently the skewering doesn't hurt due to the trance like state you are in, but I would be quite content with offering up a saucer of milk and loaf of bread. It is also celebrated in Singapore but I would imagine it would be with a little less vigour, still I'm looking forward to checking that out next year.
Malaysia must be the pre-release movie capital of the world, how else could they could have such a wide range of current movies already on DVD, and so cheap as well. If you were to buy them, and I'm not saying we did, they would even deliver them to your table while your eating, which shits all over Video Ezy as a service.
The first time I checked our flight home was at the airport after the JAL check in lady said we didn't have a booking. Aha I thought, bullshit I thought, I have it here on my itinerary I said, and just to prove it waived it in her face. Emma took in a deep breath in order to give them a good serve, but had to downgrade it to an enormous sigh when we were told that while indeed it represents a confirmed booking, it was for next Tuesday. I thought I did well to escape the wrath of Reidy, but the check in lady was treating me with some contempt.
She did manage to get us on the flight, I'm not sure what the Malaysian for Arseclown is but I'm pretty sure that's what she said to her colleague, because she too started treating us with the same contempt. Our 30-minute flight home took 2 hours due to some issues with passengers being on the wrong plane, the only thing is they didn't know who and fortunately it wasn't us. So this meant 4 attempts at counting every passenger before they eventually worked out they could cross names off a list, sure enough 5 people were on the wrong flight and had to get off. How the hell did that happen? But I did manage to watch a 90 minute movie on a 30 minute flight, I think we'll get the bus next itme.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Underpants Gnomes
Reidy reckons I need a different opening line, I thought she was worried about me borrowing from the Fast Show, but she said it was boring and I should change it. Technically I just did.
This week I have mostly been looking for my underpants. It would seem one of the drawbacks of living in a large place is that underpants go missing between the line and the bedroom and in a place with plenty of drawer space they could be anywhere. It’s something of a mystery how they went from being in a nicely folded pile to not being there at all. Reidy is blaming the gnomes, saying she saw it once on the telly. Unfortunately an episode of South Park is not going to cut it as an explanation and I am down to 5 pairs now. This by John Burrows’ standards is 3 extra than you need but it is quite warm and sweaty here.
I won’t bore you with the details of my breakfast dilemmas this week other than to issue a health warning around eating the Burger King Giant Omelet Sandwich. Do not ever ever be tempted to eat one of these, no matter how hung over you are.
I probably wouldn’t eat one of these either, curried chicken is one of many things that should never be inserted into a donut.
We went to an Aussie bar last Friday to watch the Aussie rules. This is not normally something I would be interested in but sporting achievements are a little thin on the ground this year so I’ll take what I can get. What was unusual about this bar is that it is smack in the middle of Little India and comes complete with mangy dog and Holden car body parts. It was pretty tame by Aussie bar standards though, very little swearing and no fighting but they tried to make up for it by putting on some pretty loud cover bands into a very small space. This Saturday they open for the grand final at 9:00am so perhaps then they will put on a true Aussie cultural display. Saturday we went to our new favourite bar it is probably even better than the Wallace.
I saw a quite unusual sign this week, “One puff and you’re in cuffs” it said. This was on the side of a school and I initially thought it was warning of the perils of underage felatio, but it was in fact trying to discourage kids from smoking. But the most impressive poster I have seen for a while is the one promoting the new Triumph one piece bra. Did I mention it’s impressive.
I have been very disturbed about some unusual things in the toilets at work. I am only speculating here, but I am pretty sure that people are washing their bottoms in the toilets. On two occasions this week there has been a lot of splashing following the flush in the cubicle next to me. My theory is that the person is washing his bot afterwards, but scooping water out of the toilet bowl? That’s not right. The problem is I don’t have anyone in the office to ask about this practice, it could be them.
We’re off the island tonight woohoo.
Over an out
This week I have mostly been looking for my underpants. It would seem one of the drawbacks of living in a large place is that underpants go missing between the line and the bedroom and in a place with plenty of drawer space they could be anywhere. It’s something of a mystery how they went from being in a nicely folded pile to not being there at all. Reidy is blaming the gnomes, saying she saw it once on the telly. Unfortunately an episode of South Park is not going to cut it as an explanation and I am down to 5 pairs now. This by John Burrows’ standards is 3 extra than you need but it is quite warm and sweaty here.
I won’t bore you with the details of my breakfast dilemmas this week other than to issue a health warning around eating the Burger King Giant Omelet Sandwich. Do not ever ever be tempted to eat one of these, no matter how hung over you are.
I probably wouldn’t eat one of these either, curried chicken is one of many things that should never be inserted into a donut.
We went to an Aussie bar last Friday to watch the Aussie rules. This is not normally something I would be interested in but sporting achievements are a little thin on the ground this year so I’ll take what I can get. What was unusual about this bar is that it is smack in the middle of Little India and comes complete with mangy dog and Holden car body parts. It was pretty tame by Aussie bar standards though, very little swearing and no fighting but they tried to make up for it by putting on some pretty loud cover bands into a very small space. This Saturday they open for the grand final at 9:00am so perhaps then they will put on a true Aussie cultural display. Saturday we went to our new favourite bar it is probably even better than the Wallace. I saw a quite unusual sign this week, “One puff and you’re in cuffs” it said. This was on the side of a school and I initially thought it was warning of the perils of underage felatio, but it was in fact trying to discourage kids from smoking. But the most impressive poster I have seen for a while is the one promoting the new Triumph one piece bra. Did I mention it’s impressive.
I have been very disturbed about some unusual things in the toilets at work. I am only speculating here, but I am pretty sure that people are washing their bottoms in the toilets. On two occasions this week there has been a lot of splashing following the flush in the cubicle next to me. My theory is that the person is washing his bot afterwards, but scooping water out of the toilet bowl? That’s not right. The problem is I don’t have anyone in the office to ask about this practice, it could be them.
We’re off the island tonight woohoo.
Over an out
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Mooncakes
This week I have mostly been eating Mooncakes. This surprised me somewhat as I thought mooncakes was something you actually did; pressing your bottom against the back window of the school bus. But in fact they’re actually a cake, weird huh, made from lotus seed paste and covered in a variety of outer pastries. Mooncakes
The luminous coloured ones are the scariest looking but probably the tastiest, but that said they don’t taste that good, a bit like lotus flavoured cardboard. The other interesting thing about mooncakes being in season is that it is mid autumn which it clearly is not in Singapore. This is because it is a Chinese festival related to overthrowing the Mongols, Singapore seems to be noticeably bereft of both Autumn and Mongols. I suspect the Singapore government may have some sort of weather and daylight regulating device that keeps the aircon up to 34° and the daylight at a standard 12 hours.
We went to a bar last week called Anywhere, which is not you’re average Singaporian bar. Stepping over the puddle of vomit (not the band but actual vomit) we wandered into this charming place that has broad cross section of aging deviants, prostitutes, lesbians and one transvestite. The one transvestite is actually the lead singer in the resident Philippino cover band called Tania. They’re like a real life version of 2WS on a Saturday night playing the best of the 60s,70s and the 80s as well as requests, you name it they play it. The mullet is alive and well with most of the band members, but the thing I found disturbing was the likeness of the base player to someone who was making my life a misery back home before I left. I Those of you who know him will be able to recognize him from this photo; scary.
Reidy had a job interview this week with the Aus Consulate as the Cultural Relationship Manager. I initially thought it was a joke advertising Sir Les Paterson’s job but apparently it was for real. I was quite keen for her to get the role so I could drink cheap VB and pee in their pool, but alas she was pipped at the post by someone else. So instead we have decided that she should set up a company; the Australian Cultural Management group and compete directly with them.
For those that didn’t know she will be back home in around 10 days for a couple of weeks, there will no doubt be a variety of events involving wine and talking. Although it is unlikely anyone will be able to get a word in between her and Lou for the first week, so maybe aim for the second week, they might have run out of thing to say by then. We are also getting off the island for the first time next weekend, heading to Kuala Lumpur for the weekend, not your normal weekend get away, but we are not your normal people.
Over and out
The luminous coloured ones are the scariest looking but probably the tastiest, but that said they don’t taste that good, a bit like lotus flavoured cardboard. The other interesting thing about mooncakes being in season is that it is mid autumn which it clearly is not in Singapore. This is because it is a Chinese festival related to overthrowing the Mongols, Singapore seems to be noticeably bereft of both Autumn and Mongols. I suspect the Singapore government may have some sort of weather and daylight regulating device that keeps the aircon up to 34° and the daylight at a standard 12 hours.
We went to a bar last week called Anywhere, which is not you’re average Singaporian bar. Stepping over the puddle of vomit (not the band but actual vomit) we wandered into this charming place that has broad cross section of aging deviants, prostitutes, lesbians and one transvestite. The one transvestite is actually the lead singer in the resident Philippino cover band called Tania. They’re like a real life version of 2WS on a Saturday night playing the best of the 60s,70s and the 80s as well as requests, you name it they play it. The mullet is alive and well with most of the band members, but the thing I found disturbing was the likeness of the base player to someone who was making my life a misery back home before I left. I Those of you who know him will be able to recognize him from this photo; scary.Reidy had a job interview this week with the Aus Consulate as the Cultural Relationship Manager. I initially thought it was a joke advertising Sir Les Paterson’s job but apparently it was for real. I was quite keen for her to get the role so I could drink cheap VB and pee in their pool, but alas she was pipped at the post by someone else. So instead we have decided that she should set up a company; the Australian Cultural Management group and compete directly with them.
For those that didn’t know she will be back home in around 10 days for a couple of weeks, there will no doubt be a variety of events involving wine and talking. Although it is unlikely anyone will be able to get a word in between her and Lou for the first week, so maybe aim for the second week, they might have run out of thing to say by then. We are also getting off the island for the first time next weekend, heading to Kuala Lumpur for the weekend, not your normal weekend get away, but we are not your normal people.
Over and out
Friday, September 16, 2005
Pinchie Walks
It turns out that Crayfish shed their skins, I'm sure Mick Smith knew that and he might have even recounted this interesting fact to Jen while he was still trying to impress her when they were dating. But apart from maybe 2 people I know having any knowledge of the dermatoligal (I think that's a word) habits of a crayfish I think this would be news to most other people. Anyway when this happenns you end up with a complete hollow version of Pinchie which is nice because it's as close I can get to doing the things I would like to do with my best friend Pinchie.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Deadly Rivets
This week I have mostly been healthier than last week, except for today where I wasn’t. I think I might have an allergy to wine, the day after drinking it I wake up with a headache and a dry mouth and apparently it makes me smell. It isn’t helped by the fact I am drinking with a semi pro wine consumer that is sadly missing her sidekick in Lou. I don’t mind too much except Reidy insists I dress up as a girl, smoke and talk long and hard about nothing. It’s the smoking I don’t like.
Anyway another mild wine allergic reaction this morning saw me yet again faced with a breakfast dilemma out at Tampines Junction. I thought I might have finally got this sorted the other day when I found a place that did toasted sandwiches. Apparently they also make coffee. It turns out the sandwich had slivers of the devil’s dick or cucumber all through it. As for the coffee well I didn’t keep an eye on that process but I think they ducked out the back and scooped up a cupful of the puddle I had narrowly avoided stepping in and then put some sugar in it. So I go in there today and thought maybe that just didn’t understand me last time so asked for a cappuccino and bugger me if they didn’t try to make the froth with a can of whipped cream. The sandwich order didn’t go splendidly either as I asked for “A toasted sandwich, but this time could you hold the dick.” Obviously not everyone refers to cucumber as a dick and obviously I didn’t really say that, but I think the wine allergy also makes me think silly things. End result, a cup of dirty water with a blob of whipped cream and cucumber laced toasted sandwich; very unsatisfactory.
No unusual posters to report this week, although I did flash past a large sign in a cab which was encouraging everyone to feel the vibrations. Not sure what vibrations they were exactly but it could have been a reference to my heroic wind. In the same cab I was a little disturbed to hear an announcement on the radio telling people they had until the end of the month to replace the aluminum rivets in their windows frames or be liable to a $5000 fine and or 6 months in prison. Apparently the window casings have been falling out and landing on people below. What the bloody hell is that about, it makes you wonder what they do to you if you commit a serious crime. Actually they hang you; Disneyland with the death penalty was one description of Singapore I heard during the week. They hang around 400 people a year here apparently. That’s 1.0958904109589041095890410958904 a day, which is quite a lot really.
However I am not sure how the police find the time to arrest people for doing bad stuff here when they have to deal with these serious issues like when “someone had called "999" to complain about the animal cut-outs displayed on July 28 outside the Buangkok MRT station, the police had to determine whether any offence had been committed under the Public Entertainments and Meetings Act.” Funny, read all about it here: http://www.todayonline.com/articles/71164.asp
We have to go and buy a wine fridge now, so over and out.
Anyway another mild wine allergic reaction this morning saw me yet again faced with a breakfast dilemma out at Tampines Junction. I thought I might have finally got this sorted the other day when I found a place that did toasted sandwiches. Apparently they also make coffee. It turns out the sandwich had slivers of the devil’s dick or cucumber all through it. As for the coffee well I didn’t keep an eye on that process but I think they ducked out the back and scooped up a cupful of the puddle I had narrowly avoided stepping in and then put some sugar in it. So I go in there today and thought maybe that just didn’t understand me last time so asked for a cappuccino and bugger me if they didn’t try to make the froth with a can of whipped cream. The sandwich order didn’t go splendidly either as I asked for “A toasted sandwich, but this time could you hold the dick.” Obviously not everyone refers to cucumber as a dick and obviously I didn’t really say that, but I think the wine allergy also makes me think silly things. End result, a cup of dirty water with a blob of whipped cream and cucumber laced toasted sandwich; very unsatisfactory.
No unusual posters to report this week, although I did flash past a large sign in a cab which was encouraging everyone to feel the vibrations. Not sure what vibrations they were exactly but it could have been a reference to my heroic wind. In the same cab I was a little disturbed to hear an announcement on the radio telling people they had until the end of the month to replace the aluminum rivets in their windows frames or be liable to a $5000 fine and or 6 months in prison. Apparently the window casings have been falling out and landing on people below. What the bloody hell is that about, it makes you wonder what they do to you if you commit a serious crime. Actually they hang you; Disneyland with the death penalty was one description of Singapore I heard during the week. They hang around 400 people a year here apparently. That’s 1.0958904109589041095890410958904 a day, which is quite a lot really.
However I am not sure how the police find the time to arrest people for doing bad stuff here when they have to deal with these serious issues like when “someone had called "999" to complain about the animal cut-outs displayed on July 28 outside the Buangkok MRT station, the police had to determine whether any offence had been committed under the Public Entertainments and Meetings Act.” Funny, read all about it here: http://www.todayonline.com/articles/71164.asp
We have to go and buy a wine fridge now, so over and out.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Grey Goose
This week I have mostly been drinking. Actually it wasn't this week it was last week but I am calling it this week. Not content with last Friday's hangover we went and got three more by Monday. Interestingly not only is Singapore well set up to provide you with the means to go and get yourself a really good hangover. This place also caters for the hungover, you can have McDonalds delivered to your house 24/7. I only had to roll off the couch get to the door and roll back again and I was soon back in my own filth with a remote in one hand and a burger in the other. Unreal. What was also slightly unreal was meeting a Chinese man called Barry, which is how we ended up with Saturday morning's hangover. So impressed with Emma's chest was he and his mate Vincent that they began providing us Grey Goose vodka shots every in what became a fairly intense session.Saturday night was a comedy night with some thankfully imported comedians, having seen the way the locals chortal at the lamest of jokes in the movies a local comedian would have been a case of Force Vomit. Which incidentally is the name of a local pop band who's name is far tougher than they are. But I digress, Saturday we drank some more and ordered McDonalds delivery again, this time to the pub. Then Sunday we pressed our best hemp clothing and went to the WOMAD world music extravaganza. Not typically my area of interest but it was one of the rare times you could drink in the park here withouth being hit with a stick. Heading off for a nightcap seemed a splendid idea at the time, but wasn't I in a state on Monday.
I briefly thought I had managed to solve my hangover breakfast issues; I found a pie shop that also sold Italian coffee. However my euphoria was short lived as my eyes and ears gradually focused on an alarming number of references to Jesus. It was on statues, wall plaques, postcards and in the background music. The pies were good, the coffee ok but I have not been back to the Happy Clapping Pie shop since for some reason.
Over and Out
Friday, August 26, 2005
Heroic Flatulance
This week I have mostly been eating MSG, I didn't particularly want to, I just did. It's in everything, except maybe the sardine and potato curry puffs that a little man tries to sell me each day I walk to the station. While I might avoid MSG I am not sure about that particular combination of ingredients, good value though at 3 for a $1. Also on the way to the station the other day I noticed a new poster that told me "Anyone can be a hero. Just do what you always do" I am particularly excited about that, I have repeatedly told Emma that my farting would one day make me a hero. I didn't consider becoming a hero when I moved to Singapore but I am quite proud of myself now.
We had our first guests last weekend, and despite a couple of logisitical hitches, everything went well and proved that we can very comfortably sleep several visitors. We are still apologising to Jess for leaving her to sleep on the lounge in the lobby because we didn't hear the phone at 5:00am, but we think we have learned from her experience. Hopefully the itching will subside soon.
Having visitors forced us to become tour guides. For a first attempt it was a little slack, mostly time was spent sleeping between meals but we did make it to the Botanic Gardens. We saw a very unusual tree that had these strange flower things that looked like hundreds of excited dogs' willies. We chrisitned it the dog cock tree, but I think it had another name. We also tried some Joy Juice which was pleasingly free of faecal matter but loaded full of sugar, I suspect there might have been some MSG in there somewhere as well. But we thought it would be a very good mixer for a breezer type drink. Odering a Vodka Joy Juice over the bar has a certain romance to it.
Speaking of drinking I brought my first hangover to work today and learned a couple of interesting things about doing that. Firstly it is very difficult to find an egg and bacon roll in Tampines junction. I did think for a very brief second about trying a sardine and potato curry puff, but decided not even a hangover is going to bring me to try one of those. The offerings in the soya bean shop, the satay shop and some weird looking curry house just didn't quite cut it for breakfast. I had to make do with some very odd Burger King breakfast thing which is still sitting uneasily in my tummy. The second thing I learned is that is important to sit still on a toilet with a sensor flush, while it is a great way to wash your undercarriage it is probably not the done thing to stand under the hand drier with your pants down. That didn't happen by the way, but it could one day if you're not careful. I could always use the squat in stall 3 but I don't think my knees are up to it.
Off to lunch now, over an out.
We had our first guests last weekend, and despite a couple of logisitical hitches, everything went well and proved that we can very comfortably sleep several visitors. We are still apologising to Jess for leaving her to sleep on the lounge in the lobby because we didn't hear the phone at 5:00am, but we think we have learned from her experience. Hopefully the itching will subside soon.
Having visitors forced us to become tour guides. For a first attempt it was a little slack, mostly time was spent sleeping between meals but we did make it to the Botanic Gardens. We saw a very unusual tree that had these strange flower things that looked like hundreds of excited dogs' willies. We chrisitned it the dog cock tree, but I think it had another name. We also tried some Joy Juice which was pleasingly free of faecal matter but loaded full of sugar, I suspect there might have been some MSG in there somewhere as well. But we thought it would be a very good mixer for a breezer type drink. Odering a Vodka Joy Juice over the bar has a certain romance to it.
Speaking of drinking I brought my first hangover to work today and learned a couple of interesting things about doing that. Firstly it is very difficult to find an egg and bacon roll in Tampines junction. I did think for a very brief second about trying a sardine and potato curry puff, but decided not even a hangover is going to bring me to try one of those. The offerings in the soya bean shop, the satay shop and some weird looking curry house just didn't quite cut it for breakfast. I had to make do with some very odd Burger King breakfast thing which is still sitting uneasily in my tummy. The second thing I learned is that is important to sit still on a toilet with a sensor flush, while it is a great way to wash your undercarriage it is probably not the done thing to stand under the hand drier with your pants down. That didn't happen by the way, but it could one day if you're not careful. I could always use the squat in stall 3 but I don't think my knees are up to it.
Off to lunch now, over an out.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Joy Juice
This week I have mostly been drinking Kick a Poo Joy Juice, actually I haven't, I'm too scared to, why would I? If I was to kick a poo I would be reluctant to extract the liquid from it, bottle it and call it Joy Juice. Perfectly acceptable behaviour in some of the seedier alleyways and back doors of Oxford St, but it just doesn't seem hygenic to with me. I am also a little puzzled as to what the Wanko store has on its shelves, I'm not going in without some sort of wet weather gear.Well the 8 weeks of practice paid off, Singapore's 40th National Day went off without a hitch, not that we saw too much from the BBQ area of River Palace. The air show was noisy but brief, with an island 42KM accross surrounded by nervous neighbours there isn't much room to move before attracting a missile lock. In fact so brief was the display that the TV helicopter was the only flying thing visible for more than 5 minutes. We watched it intently for about 10 minutes before we realised it wasn't part of the show, we also saw a curious turtle in the River.
We managed to get off the island briefly a couple of weeks
ago, we went to another island which was also small and hot. Perhaps it was the lack of shopping malls, but it was strangely empty for a piece of Singapore, hired bikes and dropped about 3 litres of sweat just working the kick stand. It didn't help when I broke the gear lever leaving me with 6th and 12th gear which seemed to also correspond the litres of sweat I was losing.We moved into the new pad this week, which is excessively large and unusually decorated. Brightly coloured walls and patterned toilet seats appear to be following us around the world. But don't let that put you off visiting, plenty of room for all your bits and bobs and you too can bond with the freshwater lobster in loungeroom fishtank. I told Reidy whatever floats in the tank I'm eating.
Over and out
Friday, July 29, 2005
DIY Sushi
Well 2nd week down and I haven't killed anyone yet. This week I have mostly been eating sushi, well once, but it was an unusual experience. I am not sure if this is normal or just this shop's extra effort at obtaining an "A" hygiene rating. I ordered what was ultimately some very tasty sushi and took it back to my desk noticing it was wrapped in plastic, just another Singapore hygiene thing I thought. But no, it turns out the seaweed paper thingy was wrapped in plastic around the contents, meaning I had to somehow pull it out of the plastic, roll it all up without getting bits of rice caught under my PC's space bar or worse still in my eyes or ears. It was only after the second one was messily put together in a kind of badly rolled cigar fashion and my desk smeared in mayonnaise that I realised there were instructions in Japanese on how to do this on the wrapper, but the pictures were helpful. So the remainder was put together pretty well I thought. Apart from the fact that I was able to remove all traces of Beelzebub's Penis (Cucumber) from the sushi, I found the whole experience a little unsatisfactorily so don't think I'll be back.
This week's hot tip on the way to the train is "Inconsiderate behaviour has consequences", again I am puzzled as to why they are already putting posters up for when our friends visit. Obviously they are aware that Giles will be possibly be visiting at some point at short notice, so have put the posters up now as a contingency. I was also reminded to "Speak good English" bit hard for an Aussie that tends to mumble.
We are continuing to look at apartments, actually by we I mean Reidy, who has seem some interesting places but is quickly becoming jack of the whole painful process. Our shipping container arrives next week and I am not sure it will fit in our temporary serviced apartment so we had better sort our poo out this weekend. We have also voted each other off the island so we need to go and check out the surrounding countries of a weekend instead of looking at crap apartments.
Last week I mentioned the National Day parade practice, well you're not going to believe it but it was on again last weekend as well including the tanks in the CBD again, jet fighters overhead and fireworks at night. It turns out that by the time the day comes around on August 9 they would have practised every Saturday for 8 weeks leading up to it. I suspect there will also be posters up shortly to tell people to "Look surprised and Happy on National Day" Anyway it's our first public holiday here and we're going to a BBQ, which is very exciting as we are now interviewing for new friends as none of you could be bothered coming over with us.
Happy weekends!
This week's hot tip on the way to the train is "Inconsiderate behaviour has consequences", again I am puzzled as to why they are already putting posters up for when our friends visit. Obviously they are aware that Giles will be possibly be visiting at some point at short notice, so have put the posters up now as a contingency. I was also reminded to "Speak good English" bit hard for an Aussie that tends to mumble.
We are continuing to look at apartments, actually by we I mean Reidy, who has seem some interesting places but is quickly becoming jack of the whole painful process. Our shipping container arrives next week and I am not sure it will fit in our temporary serviced apartment so we had better sort our poo out this weekend. We have also voted each other off the island so we need to go and check out the surrounding countries of a weekend instead of looking at crap apartments.
Last week I mentioned the National Day parade practice, well you're not going to believe it but it was on again last weekend as well including the tanks in the CBD again, jet fighters overhead and fireworks at night. It turns out that by the time the day comes around on August 9 they would have practised every Saturday for 8 weeks leading up to it. I suspect there will also be posters up shortly to tell people to "Look surprised and Happy on National Day" Anyway it's our first public holiday here and we're going to a BBQ, which is very exciting as we are now interviewing for new friends as none of you could be bothered coming over with us.
Happy weekends!
Friday, July 22, 2005
Greetings From Sing
Apologies for the delay in getting back in contact with you all, after considerable pain I have finally managed to get myself on line. Getting my user accounts moved from Aus has been an interesting exercise in patience and understanding the cultural divide, and as a result I have learned I have none of either.
Singapore itself has been disturbingly easy to come to grips with, it is as clean and efficient as everyone thinks and is warm and moist as my pants. But that said we were a little surprised to see tanks and missile launchers rumbling through the CBD last Saturday. An interesting welcome to our new home, but it turns out it was part of the rehearsal for National day in August. In keeping in line with the efficient reputation the rehearsal is not just a quick walk through, it was a full dress rehearsal including thousands of kids in school uniform. But in doing so they managed to cut off the whole of the city and we of course got caught on the wrong side and had to wait 2 hours to be allowed through. Reidy was not impressed from an event management perspective and had some less than flattering observations liberally punctuated with sexual swear words of their ability to put on this sort of event.
Catching the train to work on the first day was interesting, posters on the wall reminded me to be curteous and apparently being forgetful has consequences. It just goes to show how organised they are here, they already have posters up for when John Burrows visits and he hasn't even booked a flight. It is a little off putting though when you get off the station at City Hall and are greeted by Police brandishing machine guns, it makes the English underground police wondering around with excited beagles look a little half arsed in their approach to deterring terrorists.
Anyway must scoot, enjoy or hope you enjoyed your weekend depending on when you read this.
Singapore itself has been disturbingly easy to come to grips with, it is as clean and efficient as everyone thinks and is warm and moist as my pants. But that said we were a little surprised to see tanks and missile launchers rumbling through the CBD last Saturday. An interesting welcome to our new home, but it turns out it was part of the rehearsal for National day in August. In keeping in line with the efficient reputation the rehearsal is not just a quick walk through, it was a full dress rehearsal including thousands of kids in school uniform. But in doing so they managed to cut off the whole of the city and we of course got caught on the wrong side and had to wait 2 hours to be allowed through. Reidy was not impressed from an event management perspective and had some less than flattering observations liberally punctuated with sexual swear words of their ability to put on this sort of event.
Catching the train to work on the first day was interesting, posters on the wall reminded me to be curteous and apparently being forgetful has consequences. It just goes to show how organised they are here, they already have posters up for when John Burrows visits and he hasn't even booked a flight. It is a little off putting though when you get off the station at City Hall and are greeted by Police brandishing machine guns, it makes the English underground police wondering around with excited beagles look a little half arsed in their approach to deterring terrorists.
Anyway must scoot, enjoy or hope you enjoyed your weekend depending on when you read this.
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